Some people will not know the difference

they are transfixed, they are forgetting just to breathe

im just lying awake at 4am humming our old songs to myself
i worry that some day i wont have anything to say any more
that in time i might become normal or well adjusted 
why am i afraid of that?
why do bad sleeping habits and stupid words have to be the only things that set me apart?
some times i want to throw in the towel and buy into real life
in our heads or in our wallets we all sell out along the way
change will come even if we pretend it won’t
even if we want to freeze everything in time
if i cant have it my way i dont want any one having it though
why do we like being so connected with each other?
my twitter followers never call my phone when im down
they never take me on walks and tell me their favorite movies
this never got me anywhere but deeper into my own head and out a dozen hours
maybe a conversation here or there, but i feel uncomfortable talking about writing
(sometimes i feel like i have to, like an accountant has to talk about the recession once in a while)
fuck it
if theres ink in my veins and arteries then ill go with it
if theres a PA system pounding in my head maybe itll play for other ears one day